Missing CES

Posted at January 6th, 2010 by cosmo

Vegas baby. For 9 years running, DaddyO and I spent a week in January in Vegas.

We ate. We drank. We walked from one end of the convention floor to the other all day. We walked from one end of the crazy that is Vegas to the other all night. We slept…

No. Wait. We didn’t do that last one.

Sometimes I’m not really sure how we survived. One year we ate at Fatburger every night at 4am when we got home to our unfortunately located time share. That alone should have killed us, but then we were up 4 hours later to head back to the show.

Every day for 5 days running.

Did I mention the feasting on rich, fancy pants dinners every night? The kind you really shouldn’t eat more then once a year? The not drinking anything less then 40 proof. Or highly caffeinated. Or both. The general bacchanalian nature of the whole week.

Seriously. We. Should. Have. Died. I once watched a man so hung over and dehydrated that the succulent sound of a 7up can being opened nearly caused him to lose his mind with desire. I’m pretty he still enjoys that sound a little more then one should.

At first we couldn’t wait for the next years adventure to roll around. Then, a couple years in, we would get a little bitter and jaded towards the end of the week. Bah. How much smaller could hard drives get? How much bigger could TVs get? How much longer can my liver hold out?? We would decide to skip the next year.

Then August would roll around and the emails would start up and, damn if we wouldn’t end up in Vegas again.

Then DaddyO started working the show and I would be bored all day walking around by myself waiting for him to finish up so we could play. He’d be tired at night but power through for me. I’d decide to stay home the following year, but the shiny that is Vegas would end up drawing me in.

Have I mentioned that I don’t gamble. I hate crowds. I can’t stand martinis in plastic martini glasses. I am not generally fond of anything that modern Vegas stands for.

But I am fond of technology. And. Then. There is The Other Show. The porn convention – AEE. It’s like taking the absolute essence of Vegas, and infusing it with the best ever people watching: think every porn star/ wanna be porn star (un)dressed to the nines, boobs bigger then your head, ever inch of flesh tanned, bleached, waxed and polished to a high sheen, wrapped in a shiny g-string, perched on stilettos… then unleashed upon a star trek convention. Oh, then throw in random Ron Jeremy sitings. Or in my case, bitings.

Seriously. If I had a nickle for every time I saw someone walk into a wall, trip on their own feet and nearly fall down stairs, I would be a rich, rich woman.

As you can imagine, this is not a very baby friendly environment and so, after years of threatning, I am not there this year. (I wasn’t there last year either, as I was 8 mazillion months pregnant and unable to fly. Or to drink. Or really, if we’re being truthful, walk far.) But this year, I’m able to walk. I’m able to fly. I’m just now able to drink a bit. Not very gracefully, as I’m a little outta practise, but I’m sorta missing CES and all it’s craziness.

Instead, I’m home, watching Dash take a bath because he just pooped out the side of his diaper and into his jammies and up into the areas that are a little hard to clean without a hose. And a gas mask.

So really, what is there to miss? We had truffles and butter for dinner. (Um, ok, it was truffled popcorn, but really, same as a truffle and foie gras stuffed burger at Daniel Buloud. Right? RIGHT?!?) We were up all night last night looking at boobs. They were my own, but they are as big as my head. We woke to unfortunate bodily functions. And now we are playing with new technology. That’s right. We have the goldfish that lights up when you put it in water.

CHECK THAT OUT BIATCHES!

All that’s missing is random sitings of Ron Jeremy. And if he shows up at my house I will so have my dog attack him. (Insert joke here about how my dog is smaller then Ron Jeremy’s famous bit.)

Leave a Reply

2 Responses to “Missing CES”

  1. Comment by Katie

    Love this post, girlie-pants! Your writing is yummy.

  2. Comment by cosmo

    Ah thanks! I really need to come write with you!